So normally I would know what to write but this time I'm just going to let my mind wander off a little bit... I've been gong through some rough time these past 2 months and its been really hard. Feeling alone in this world is not a good feeling at all and especially when you know you have friends but its like who can you trust now a days? Now a days people are so fake. I just try to keep in my own space and I try not to bother or talk to a lot of people because people have your backs now but you never know what can happen tomorrow. Honestly I don't care if I'm alone in this world, I can be independent and do my own thing, things changed a lot this year and I am noticing it slowly and people are not the same and it hurts because the people who I used to be close with and hang out with every single day I no longer associate with but that's just the way life is I guess. When you feel empty inside, who do you run to? When you feel alone and hurt inside, what's your escape? Well, I have no escape.. I feel empty, hurt, betrayed, melancholy, and I have no one to run to. Yeah there's people who say that they'll always be there for you but honestly you know that won't last a long time. You know that sooner or later they'll turn their backs on you and make you feel so alone that you know you have nobody to run to. That's what's happening with me and it sucks. I don't usually like talking about my problems to no one because either they judge you or just wanna listen to everything you've been through and just be nosy. I rather write it all out and just get it out instead of talking to someone, it helps sometimes but at times you know that sooner or later writing is going to get old. You know that you need a friend, that you need someone's shoulder to always be there whenever you're feeling sad and want to cry your eyes out, that you want a friend to actually tell you "Hey don't worry, everything will be okay I promise" but sometimes it just doesn't work out that way. Well at least not for me I don't think. I got it bad. But think about it this way, there's people that got it way worse than me right now and that are just at the edge and don't know what to do and are just about to give up. I know that giving up is the wrong thing to do because I didn't make it this far for nothing and deep down I know that things will get better but right now? I just don't know. Everyone always tells me "keep your head up Karina, stay positive and everything will be fine" but really they have no clue what's going on in my life right now or what I've been through, I've tried staying positive and keeping my head up but IT'S SO HARD! I wonder if my life is going to get better soon... Let's just wait and see.

My Exhibition!!

I'm so nervous and excited at the same time for my exhibition. I hope I do good and that I pass. I'm REALLY looking forward to my senior year. I know I have a lot of great things ahead of me this up coming year and that I will continue to do good. As I'm sitting here writing this blog entry the nerves are kicking in and I'm sitting here telling Kiara that I am starting to get nervous. I wasn't nervous when I came here but now I'm nervous. I just feel weird, it's lunch time and I'm sitting here wondering if I should go eat or not. I don't even feel hunger I just feel numb. Well this is like a little reflection on how I'm feeling before my exhibition. I hope I do good :)

Kiara Almonte

This girl has been by my side since day one. I've been knowing Kiara for about 7 years now and our friendship is still going strong. Kiara is 18 years old, she graduated recently from classical high school, and I'm so proud of her. Kiara has been through some struggles but we've got through it together. Kiara knows ABSOLUTELY EVERYTHING about me. She's a person that knows how to bring my mood up whenever I'm down and she's a funny person. Even after everything she's been through she still manages to keep a smile on her face. I love Kiara very very much. That's like my big sister. I call her mom "Tia" and her family loves me :) Kiara is a strong strong girl. She shows me what it is to be strong and keep your guards up because in this world you can't trust people. Well I have so much to say but I'm just going to leave it there. I love you Kiara :)

BEST POEM THAT RELATES EXACTLY TO ME...

http://www.bestteenpoems.com/poem/grandpa-im-missing-you

My Brother

Wesley Joel Reyes... My 10 year old brother. This little boy is so smart, he knows a little about everything. My brother is learning a lot in school and I'm very proud of him he's growing up fast. He is in the 5th grade and he's one of the few people in his class that are actually very smart. I love my brother so much with all my heart. I would kill for him, whenever I need him he's there even though he's only 10 he's still my diary. I tell my brother almost everyday. We fight like cat & dog but we still get through the day and we still love each other. There was a day that I thought my brother was going to die on me. When we were at Roger Williams park and my brother was playing with other little kids and I was walking around the park with my mom and my mom's friend, my brother was going on the slide and he slipped and he fell and hit his head on the edge of the stairs and it slid open, the only way I saw him get hurt was because some little kid said "OMG he's bleeding" and I heard my brother crying so I ran towards him and I didn't know what to do so I yelled as loud as I could to my mom and she came running in tears because he was covered in blood, my brother was crying because I was crying and my mom was crying and he was bleeding a lot not because he was in pain because he couldn't feel the horrible accident that happened. Every time I think about it I get goose bumps because the thought of almost loosing my brother that day doesn't seem to suet me. My brother can be annoying sometimes.. Okay maybe most of the time but I still love him and he will always be like my sidekick.   

My feelings?

I swear sometimes I just want to be left alone... Today was not my day. I swear everyday is not my day, well that's not true but yeah anyways... When I have cramps I don't want to talk to anybody and I just want to stay in bed and cry. Unfortunately life doesn't work that way because of school. I really wanted to get some work done but this pain really wasn't letting me and my head hurt so bad I really didn't want anybody to bother me & on top of that my phone stopped working! OH HECK NO, I wasn't having it. Today's just one of those days I didn't wanna be bothered and I guess that's the way it is sometimes. I don't like feeling like this but hey what can I do? I'm so bipolar sometimes I swear it's not normal... Don't really know why I'm writing this but I guess my feelings need to be heard and writing them down helps, SOMETIMES...

What a beautiful sunny day...

I love this weather. It puts me in the greatest mood ever. I don't know why but I feel like my feelings are based on the weather I swear. When it's rainy outside my mood changes and I start feeling down and unhappy, when it's bright and sunny outside I get in a good mood and I just feel better with a lot of energy. Like for example today is a good day because I'm in such a good mood because of the weather. I don't know if that's normal but hey it works with me. I came into school with a smile on my face which is weird because I'm soo over school already. I really want school to end already and I want my summer to start. I know that my mindset right now is in summer mode & it's NO WHERE near school. There's a lot of people today that invited me to the beach instead of going to school and as much as I wanted to go I knew deep down that it wasn't the right choice for me. I still have a lot of work to do for my exhibition because I want to do a good exhibition since it's my last exhibition for my junior year. I know that if I was another girl and didn't care about school I would've gone to the beach with my friends instead of coming to school but as crazy as it sounds I actually care about school. I feel like a good person right now I don't know what it is but I'm just in a really good mood. I hope nobody tries to ruin my day because i'll be upset. Sometimes when I'm in a good mood people just love making me mad and try to ruin my day but I won't let them! I'm on a good path and almost at the finish line, I know I can be successful and I know I can make it far. I have faith in myself and so far I'm proud of myself. I feel good when I get my work done and I'm going to continue doing good because I know Erica is proud of me too :)